When I was younger, I didn’t realize how much social skills mattered. It’s not that I didn’t have any, but they didn’t show up when I needed them the most. Funny enough, whenever I wanted something, those skills would magically appear. But in situations where I really needed to connect with others, they just weren’t there. It felt like they were locked away, and I had no idea how to bring them out.
There’s one moment in my life that stands out. I was having a conversation with someone, trying my best to get my point across, and suddenly, they looked at me and said: “Rafa, you’re talking to people, not machines.” Those words hit me hard. It was like a wake-up call. I realized in that moment that I had been treating interactions like transactions — just trying to get what I wanted, without considering the human connection behind it. And for someone who always thought I was a pretty social person, that realization was tough.
At that time, I knew nothing about psychology or NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). I didn’t have a deep understanding of how people communicate or what drives human behavior. But looking back now, I realize that I was already being guided by certain principles — I just didn’t know it. One of those principles is something I now call VALUE.
Let me explain.
In that moment when I was told I was talking to people and not machines, I lacked Vision. I didn’t have a clear goal in mind for how I wanted the conversation to go. I was focused on what I wanted, but I wasn’t thinking about the bigger picture — about how the other person might feel, or what kind of connection I wanted to build. Vision is all about knowing where you want to go, and if you don’t know that, you’re bound to miss the mark. Without even realizing it, I was learning this the hard way.
Another thing I struggled with was Authenticity. Back then, I thought being social meant following a script or playing a role. I didn’t understand that the best way to connect with people was to be genuine. The person I was talking to could sense that I wasn’t being fully authentic, and that’s why the conversation wasn’t flowing. Authenticity means being real, being yourself, and letting others see that side of you. It took me a while to learn that people respond best when you’re not just trying to get something from them but are showing up as your true self.
As time passed, I began to understand the importance of Leadership in conversations. Leadership isn’t about being in charge or telling people what to do; it’s about guiding the interaction in a way that helps everyone involved. When I was younger, I didn’t realize that every conversation is an opportunity to lead — to help others feel understood and to make decisions together. Leadership, in this sense, is about taking responsibility for the flow of the conversation.
But perhaps the most important thing I learned is Understanding. Looking back, I now see that the person who told me I was talking to machines was trying to help me understand that I wasn’t really listening. I was so focused on what I wanted that I wasn’t paying attention to what the other person needed. Understanding is about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes — seeing things from their perspective and addressing their concerns, not just your own. Without this, any interaction can feel empty and disconnected.
And finally, Empathy. This is something I had to learn the hard way. Empathy is about more than just understanding someone’s point of view; it’s about feeling what they feel. It’s about creating a real connection, where the other person feels seen and heard. Without empathy, even the most well-intentioned conversations can fall flat.
Now, I didn’t know about VALUE back then, but these principles were quietly shaping me, even though I couldn’t see it. It wasn’t until years later, when I learned about psychology and NLP, that I realized how powerful these concepts were. Each letter in VALUE — Vision, Authenticity, Leadership, Understanding, and Empathy — became a guide for how to approach conversations and relationships which are the basis of successful negotiations.
Looking back, that one moment, when I was told I was talking to machines, was a turning point. It was the moment I began to realize the importance of seeing people as they are — human, with their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. And it was the start of a journey that led me to develop the skills I have today.
It’s funny how the lessons we need to learn are often right in front of us. We just don’t see them until we’re ready.